I’m sorry I’m late with this post! With our move to Berlin things have been so hectic and I just didn’t have the time to sit down and write a post. I’m happy to say at the moment we’re mostly settled in (ok I still have a lot to unpack, but you know, progress) and we’ve got a good feel for the area we’re in. With moves and other big life changes come stress and this can sometimes affect your relationship in ways you don’t realize. In my case I get incredibly stressed out and do pretty much the opposite of everything below- not healthy!

Relationships take a lot of work and of course so much goes into them I could easily write a dozen posts about it, however, there are four key foundations to a good relationship, and without them you may find yourself running into more problems than you’d like. I’m certainly not the poster child for the perfect relationship, but that makes me human, and because you’re human too we can all use a little work in some of these areas.

Communication

I cannot stress communication enough. Without communication, where would we be? Chaos, that’s where. This is something I’m always really bad at because I get annoyed about something and I keep it to myself and then it begins to fester and every little thing after that because a bigger deal than it actually is and by the end of the day I’m a raging monster. This is very bad! It’s so much easier to just express what you’re feeling in the moment in a mature and calm way than to let it become a bigger problem than it is.

Making sure you’re on the same page as your partner can avoid so many conflicts, but I know it’s easier said than done. It’s important to strike a balance between expressing your feelings without nagging them and making them feel like they can do nothing right. It takes practice, but without communication everything will fall apart.

Patience

Another one I’m really bad at (I sound lovely don’t I?). We’re all human and none of us can do anything perfectly, hard as we might wish. It’s important to not have unattainable expectations and with that comes having the patience to deal with anything that comes your way in a relationship. By patience I don’t just mean physically waiting patiently while your partner finishes something, but generally having patience in everyday life.

Try not to get worked up about things that don’t matter and try to see that life isn’t a huge rush. Without wanting to sound like a cliché, take the time to smell the flowers, and give each other space and time to get to where you want to be.

Understanding

Sometimes in the craziness of life our tempers shorten and we just think, “Why can’t you just do it? Why is it so hard?” Look, relationships are all about compromise and understanding where each other is coming from is so crucial. The best thing to do is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to think how they’re feeling. Try and see it from their point of view, and from there you’ll be able to work through things more effectively.

We’re all a little bit selfish and want everyone to see things from our perspective because we believe it’s the right one, but doing this will only damage any relationships you have. Think about what they said, how they’re feeling and how you can help. A little understanding can go a really long way.

Support

No relationship would be complete without support. Whether you’re supporting one’s decision to go back to school or assuring your partner they made the right choice with their career, we’d be nowhere without feeling like we’re loved and someone is standing by us.

I find this probably the easiest thing to do of the 4 key foundations, because if you love someone you want to be there for them, no matter what. However, it’s important to remember that supporting someone doesn’t always mean you have to agree with them. If you think they’re doing the wrong thing it’s almost even more important to speak up, but it’s the way in which you support that choice anyway, regardless if you think it’s what they should have done or not, that’s so critical.

You can’t build a relationship on these principles alone, but practicing and working at them is what makes a relationship solid and loving. Everyone’s going to fight every once and a while, and some would argue that’s healthy to an extent, but you can minimize these arguments by practicing these foundations in everyday life. What kinds of things do you struggle with in a relationship?